fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
We had sex on a dog bed..
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
