There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
