Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
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