I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
