I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
