im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I love you. Go after that dick
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
