You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
