Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
