whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
