you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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