would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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