my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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