also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
She's the barista slut.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
