so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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