8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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