I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
