stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
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I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
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