people are starting to question the shark bite story
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
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I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
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