just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
