i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
