mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
