I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Randomize
