Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize
