I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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