just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
These People Had Regrettable One Night Stands
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
This Girl Makes Latte Art That’s Too Cute to Drink
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class