I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
21 NSFW Facts About Famous Celebrities That Will Blow Your Mind
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
These Are 19 of the Most Horrible Strangers People Had to Sit Next to
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016