So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
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Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
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What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?