Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine