I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
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he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
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She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.