She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC