Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
