I'm really into asian looking animals
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
