Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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