I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
