so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I will pee on everything he values.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
