never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
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