We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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