Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
