Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
