Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
