community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
