I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
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