i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
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Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
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DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
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