yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Randomize
