it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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