When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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