Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
