Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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