That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I want a musical about memes.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
