the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
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