at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
