Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
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