Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize