I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Randomize
