You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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