Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
