People with herpes should wear stickers.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
