So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
