I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
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I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
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He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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