____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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