Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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