mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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