Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
