Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
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