The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
