what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
