Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
