i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
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