Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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