whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
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