when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
