Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
high people should be assigned attendants
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
