wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
