dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
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