every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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