She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
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