Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
the day after is always just damage control
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
