I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Randomize
