It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
