I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
