There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
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there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
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I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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