I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
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