she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
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