Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I take back everything I said about communal showers
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
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