Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
