You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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