i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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