hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
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I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
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You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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