Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize