You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
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