Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
