So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
