You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
