I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I'm like, not good at living.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
