morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Randomize
