just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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