try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
