when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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