Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Randomize
